


BanG Anronpa! Ultimate Band Party! ★PICO!

by FatherFigureFusion



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game), Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: (if a bit insensitive), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe- Bandori Fusion, Gen, Good Sibling Enoshima Junko, Human K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa), Koizumi Mahiru and Yumeno Himiko are Cousins, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko Swears, Male Fujisaki Chihiro, Nonbinary K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa), Parental Tojo Kirumi, Tsundere Harukawa Maki, Tsundere Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko, Ultimate Roboticist K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29330334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatherFigureFusion/pseuds/FatherFigureFusion
Summary: What would happen if 5 quintets of Ultimates formed individual bands? Read this fic and get all up to date on the wacky shenanigans these talented teenage musicians get up to! (Based off of the Garupa Pico sketches!)
Kudos: 5





	1. Live House "oCToGoN"

The pattering of raindrops on both the roof of every building and the concrete of each and every road resounds in a thunderous chorus of vigor and slight terror. The gloomy dusk and stormy weather serves as a matching ambience to the internal tenseness of one Ultimate Maid, currently working her day job at the now-desolate meeting grounds of the other Ultimates.

Kirumi: (internally and oddly dramatic) It is currently the age of the warring Ultimate bands! A number of rival bands will assemble right here! At the Live House "oCToGoN"! A storm is brewing today!

Coincidentally, the distant rumbling of thunder compliments the ashen-haired housemaid's last statement. Putting on her usual courteous facade, Kirumi awaits for the specific groups of Ultimates to inevitably feud. Oh, how chaotic would the war between 25 ambitious teenagers at the top of their fields would be! The squeaking of the meeting ground's double doors, the faraway roar of thunder, and the intensely pattering raindrops, only serve as a reminder of the figurative storm that will inevitably brew. And even the normally maternal and tranquil maid is heavily anticipating it.

The ringing of a bell and the tapping of feet snaps Kirumi out of her oddly belligerent thoughts, as she puts on her expected tranquil mask.

Kirumi: (her usual tranquil self) Welcome, fellow Ultimates. How may I b-! W-WHAT?!

The sight that beholds Kirumi's olive eyes is a sight that couldn't be replicated, even by the Ultimate Art Forger themselves!

Leaning against the glass doors is a certain well-known band of Ultimates, all clad in leather jackets and hoodies!

Kirumi: (shocked) Y-You're the band, BLUE SCREEN!

\--------------------------------------------------

BLUE SCREEN

The Ultimate Child Caregiver and Lead Guitarist/Vocalist, Maki Harukawa!

The Ultimate Gamer and Guitarist, Chiaki Nanami!

The Ultimate Mechanic and Bassist, Kazuichi Souda!

The Ultimate Photographer and Drummer, Mahiru Koizumi!

The Ultimate Lucky Student and Keyboardist, Makoto Naegi!

\--------------------------------------------------

Kirumi: (dramatic internal monologue) An Ultimate metal band formed by a quintet of unlikely childhood friends!

Maki: Hey. You open?

???: Hold on a second.

Maki: (on edge) Who goes the-

Kirumi: (gasps in shock) AH! Carrying themselves with a regal air!

The five ragtag members turn towards the source of the remark; another group of five posing in unison. But as opposed to the casual wear of BLUE SCREEN, this quintet seems to be dressed for only the finest of banquets. With their iconic fashion sense and their high-class presence as a result, this band is also easily recognizable.

Kirumi: It's Manic Monarchy!

\-------------------------------------------------

Manic Monarchy

The Ultimate Pop Sensation and Vocalist, Sayaka Maizono!

The Ultimate Fashionista and Guitarist, Junko Enoshima!

The Ultimate Affluent Progeny and Bassist, Byakuya Togami!

The Ultimate Robotics Engineer and Drummer, Kiibo Iidabashi!

The Ultimate Princess and Keyboardist, Sonia Nevermind!

\----------------------------------------------------

Kirumi: (in internal monologue mode) Don't be deceived into thinking that they are merely upper-class twits who are all flash! This five-Ultimate idol group truly tops the charts, when it comes to proven performance!

Sayaka: (posing adorably) All that glitters truly is gold!

The sound of the back door being kicked open alerts the two bands to a brand-new presence appearing in the building. And that even was before a familiar loud voice rattled both the dilapidated building and the souls of both BLUE SCREEN and Manic Monarchy!

???: ELVIS HAS NOW ENTERED THE BUILDING!!

The infamous punk rocker didn't come alone either, for she brought her group of four Ultimates alongside her. Or more accurately, three Ultimates and a bunny!

Kirumi: (in internal monologue mode) How unorthodox! The band was already in the building! AWESOMENESS ISLAND!

\-------------------------------------------------------

AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!!

The Ultimate Musician and Vocalist, Ibuki Mioda!

The Ultimate Anthropologist and Guitarist, Korekiyo Shinguuji!

The Ultimate Swimmer and Bassist, Aoi Asahina!

The Ultimate Nurse and Drummer, Mikan Tsumiki!

The Ultimate Magical Girl and DJ, Monomi the Bunny!

\-------------------------------------------------------

Kirumi: (internal monologue) A, for lack of a better word, "eccentric" band led by the Ultimate Musician herself, Ibuki Mioda!

Ominous footsteps directly follow after the dramatic entrance of AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!! and it seems like our peppy punk rocker can recognize them, for a sense of dread appears on her face once her super-sensetive ears picked up on the footsteps!

Ibuki: COULD IT BE?!

The darkness of the building only serves to heighten the new coming quintet's unnerving atmosphere. The silence of the atmosphere apart from the footsteps is able to unnerve even the toughest of Ultimate Wrestlers. When the shadows clear up, their devilish and regal fashion sense becomes apparent.

Kirumi: (internal monologue) Rising from their coffins, after a slumber lasting eons! Vampirish Vogue!

\--------------------------------------------------------

Vampirish 🖤Vogue

The Ultimate Gambler and Vocalist, Celestia Ludenberg!

The Ultimate Soldier and Guitarist, Mukuro Ikusaba!

The Ultimate Adventurer and Bassist, Rantaro Amami!

The Ultimate Magician and Drummer, Himiko Yumeno!

The Ultimate Detective and Keyboardist, Shuichi Saihara!

\--------------------------------------------------------

Kirumi: (internal monologue) With magical prowess that can leave even expert wizards starstruck! A fantastic band truly worthy of the Ultimate title!

Celestia: (slightly wincing in faked pain) It's awfully bright, non?

(CRASH!)

The loud shattering of glass caused all of the Ultimates' attention to be turned to the front of the store, where broken glass was scattered on the floor and one final quintet of Ultimates landed safely on their feet. Or to be more accurate, four Ultimates landed safely on their feet and their tall-haired vocalist landed flat on his face.

Kirumi: Flying at the speed of light, preventing the asteroids of despair from colliding with the Earth's collective hope! STARSHIP★SLAYERZ!

\--------------------------------------------------------

STARSHIP★SLAYERZ

The Ultimate Astronaut and Lead Guitarist/Vocalist, Kaito Momota!

The Ultimate Clairvoyant and Guitarist, Yasuhiro Hagakure!

The Ultimate Programmer and Bassist, Chihiro Fujisaki!

The Ultimate Pianist and Drummer, Kaede Akamatsu!

The Ultimate Yakuza and Keyboardist, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu!

\-------------------------------------------------------

Kirumi: (internal monologue) The impossible is possible when it comes to these determined rock stars! This novice band quickly rocketed to the top of the charts!

The lead vocalists from each band didn't hesitate to stare each other down.

The anticipated tenseness and anxiety immediately dissipated when the lightbulb flickered and illuminated the entirety of the venue.

Ibuki: (happy) WHOO, MAMA! The lights are back n' bright!

Celestia: (wincing in fake pain) T-Too bright...

The tension and drama being vanquished means that the Ultimates are now mingling more comfortably.

Ultimates: (overlapping conversation)

Maki: (taking notice of Kaito's drooping hair, dryly) Kaito, you're soaked.

Kaito: (awkwardly giggling) Hehehe, riiiight!

Sayaka: (looking out the window) But the weather sure cleared up!

Maki: (looking around) There sure are lots of Ultimates here.

Sayaka: (a little bit concerned) The venue is a bit cramped though.

Kaito: (to all of the Ultimates) HEY GUYS! HOW'S ABOUT WE GO EATIN' OUT TOGETHER?!

After various mutters of agreement, even from the high-class Byakuya and Celestia, all of the Ultimates filed out of the "oCToGoN", leaving no one but a lone, and quite frankly disappointed, Kirumi. But still optimistic about future encounters, Kirumi stares wistfully out of the now broken windows as the gaggle of Ultimates walk to the nearest family restaurant. 

Kirumi: (internally) A battle between high schoolers who have devoted their life to both talent and their new band life begins NOW!

(cue ending theme)

\---------------------------------------------------


	2. "THINK TANK! THE PLIGHT OF THE LAST BRAIN CELL!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would happen if four crackheaded Ultimates yearned for a larger audience? And what should Fuyuhiko do now that he is surrounded by them?

It was a calming day in the secret base of the five Ultimate Bands, aka. "oCToGon". And wrapping up their performance for the day was none other than STARSHIP★SLAYERZ!

Kaito: (hyped up) AW! HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The astronaut-in-training's rousing cheer and the final riffs of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ was met with nothing but the empty stares of all but three people. For the boisterous space geek, this was a massive issue. An issue that was worth reiterating when the band rendezvoused at his house.

Kaito: (brooding, before boiling with anger) Where the f**k........WAS OUR AUDIENCE?!

Kaito shoved another handful of cookies into his mouth in anger, as his stuffed mouth muttered more obscenities. The other members of the band, not standing to see their normally upbeat member so grouchy tried to placate the mood.

Chihiro: (looking down with sadness) We're down to three audience members.

Fuyuhiko: (angry) Yeah! There's more band than audience! What f**king sense does that make?!

Yasuhiro: (betrayed) What went wrong?! We were awesome and we've been getting better ever since!

Kaito: Yeah! Yeah! Hair Bro is right! Where did we go wrong?!

With an angry growl, Fuyuhiko slumped down in his seat and thought back to the other Ultimate bands.

Fuyuhiko: (growling) What gives?! Vampirish Vogue and AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!! had a s***ton of audience members!

Chihiro: (happily) B-But the concerts were amazing!

Kaito: (cheering up) YEAH! They really knew how to pump the audience up!

Yasuhiro: (confused) I wonder where AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!! got the pigeons from though.

The only female member of the band decided to speak up this time.

Kaede: Well, we've just got to find some way to spice up our concerts!

Hearing Kaede's suggestion, the band's vocalist sprung up from his patchy seat to declare his optimistic, if outlandish idea.

Kaito: (extra pumped) GOT IT! I'll sing while I fly through the sky! Just like a true astronaut!

Fuyuhiko can only respond with a muttered obscenity of confusion, as Kaito continued to ramble on about his questionably-appicable idea.

Kaito: (rambling) Picture this! Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Scars! Flying through the sky and above his adoring fans at Mach 15 off of a mere wire!

Fuyuhiko: (frustrated at Kaito's ego) Okay! You just want to fly! This isn't some f**king action manga! Can you at least get your tall head out of your a** and have a realistic idea for once? Tell 'em, everyone! Back me up!

But, much to the babyface's dismay, STARSHIP★SLAYERZ isn't exactly known for being rational, when it comes to their ideas. Especially when it comes to ideas spouted by Kaito and Yasuhiro. Speaking of which, Yasuhiro stands up to offer his own methods on attracting audience members.

Yasuhiro: (putting his arm around Kaito's right shoulder) Yeah! Not to brag, but I'm a monster when it comes to playing the guitar "dental-style"!

Fuyuhiko: (confused) "Dental-style"?

Kaito: (lightly punching Yasuhiro in the stomach) Yeah, man! My bro Hiro is an expert when it comes to playing the guitar with his teeth! With such an awesome extra talent, STARSHIP★SLAYERZ will gain an audience in no time!

Copying the actions of the two members, Kaede slings her arm around the astronauts remaining shoulder and chimes in with her idea.

Kaede: Oh! Playing the piano has made me very skilled with my hands! Especially when it comes to multitasking! I could play the keyboard with one hand and play my drums with the other! With double the keys, we will surely charm the audience!

Fuyuhiko: (exasperated) OH GOD! NOT YOU TOO, KAEDE! I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU!

Oh, great! Just great! Even the rational member of the group is siding with these two a**clowns. Well, at least Chihiro isn't getting swept up into the idiotic crowd.

Chihiro: (timidly raising his hand) U-Um, guys. Why don't we do something that both us and the audience can enjoy?

Kaito: Man, Chihiro! You're a genius! That sounds stellar!

Fuyuhiko: (relieved) Finally! Someone has their head screwed on right for once!

Maybe this is the chance for the band to actually have a normal publicity campaign, instead of these bat**it insane ploys!

Chihiro: (slowly rising from his seat) Y-Yeah! L-Like giving out candy to the audience!

Fuyuhiko: What are we?! Some s**tty sweet children's band?!

Bless your innocent soul, Chihiro! Ble-

Chihiro: (recoiling from Fuyuhiko's remark) Eek! W-W-We can also throw out slices of strawberry shortcake!

Looks like the only other rational member was lost to the sheer deluge of irrationality that is the members of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ! All because of his obsession with the Akamatsu bakery's famous strawberry shortcake!

Fuyuhiko: (angry) AW, F**KING GREAT! Now the audience would get soaked!

Chihiro: (scared and stuttering) B-B-B-But Kaede's str-strawberry sh-shortc-cake isn't w-we-wet!

Fuyuhiko: (frustrated) That's not what I-oh, f**k it!

At this point, Fuyuhiko, for once, actually sympathizes with AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!!'s unfortunate DJ, Hajime Hinata! Note to Fuyuhiko: Chat with Hajime about the burdens of being the only brain cell, and if anyone finds out, then they'll have to deal with Fuyuhiko AND Peko! But the broken dam of rationality has only dribbled and now all of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ's idiocy is going to rapidly morph into a tsunami of sheer stupidity.

Yasuhiro: You can never go wrong with baby chicks! Let's scatter them over the stage and let the audience members pet them!

Fuyuhiko: Aw, HELL NO, HAGAKURE! You are not going to bring your 101 McNuggets onto stage, you son of a b****!

Kaede: I once saw the Ultimate One-Woman-Band on stage! She was really something else! If you need to spice up the band, uniqueness and originally is truly the way to go!

Kaito: (still getting hung up on the flying idea) To become a true Luminary of the Stars, you have to be at one with the stars! So gimme a star costume!

Chihiro: U-Um.....h-how about stand-up comedy? I know some great jokes my dad once told me!

Yasuhiro: Let's do a piranha tank act!

Kaede: Let's have a full-scale philharmonic perform alongside us!

Kaito: Got it! Pyrotechnics! I'll use the fireworks to evolve from the Luminary of The Stars to the Luminary of The Shooting Stars!

Kaito: It's settled! We'll try all of those ideas at our next concert!

At this point, the normally hostile and violent Fuyuhiko just became drained by his bandmate's idiocy. He was actually starting to miss the idiotic antics of his homeroom class. That is how low the bar has sunk for him! He was only able to choke out a couple of words as a response to the finalized conglomeration of completely unrelated gimmicks.

Fuyuhiko: (dead inside) Okay. I'm done.

(cue ending theme)


	3. "THE UPRISING OF VAMPIRISH VOGUE"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secluded within the dark corners of the live house "oCToGoN", the oppressed minority of "Vampirish Vogue" seek to stage an uprising against the cruel despots that trounced them in their latest competition! How might one accomplish this you might ask? Well, they are still working on that part?

With only the glow of a flashlight illuminating the room, the five members of Vampirish Vogue surround the beacon of light, with all eyes focused on their leader: the Queen of Lies herself, Celestia Ludenberg!

Celestia: (ominously) Ikusaba. Surely you recall the success of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ's latest concert?

Mukuro: (seriously) Indeed. As much as I hate to admit it, we've been throughly upstaged by Momota-san and his cronies. His flying act was truly astounding.

That's right! As hard as it is to believe, the convoluted. conglomerated and crackheaded brainchild of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ, has not only managed to get off the ground, but it managed to completely trounce the dignified approach of Vampirish Vogue, to the point that even the competitive Mukuro complimented their performance, something that didn't go unnoticed by a certain avocado-head, for he started to snicker at the soldier's praise.

Mukuro: (flustered) W-What are you laughing for, Amami-san?

Rantaro: (through giggles) N-Nothing! It's just oddly adorable of you to be praising another band, when you've got this whole competitive thing going on! What'd you think of the concert, Himiko?

Himiko: (slowly losing interest with every word) A tiny, yet dazzling morsel of light magic quickly establishes itself as my familiar! With that...young...beast....I.....Nyeh! Dramatic monologues are such a pain....

Shuichi: (translating for Himiko) I-I believe what Himiko was trying to say, is that she loved those baby chicks at that STARSHIP★SLAYERZ concert. I, um, suppose, but I'm just grasping at straws here!

Celestia: I believe that their stage performance was, how do you say,-

What Celestia was about to say, was interrupted by the door opening, the lights flickering on, and the rotten timing of one Kirumi Tojo.

Kirumi: Shall I assist you with anything, Miss Ludenberg?

Celestia: (in crazy chapter 3 mode) GET OUT OF OUR PRIVATE DISCUSSION BEFORE YOU GET DEMOTED BACK TO C-RANK, YOU IDIOTIC HANDMAIDEN!

Despite Celestia going berserker-mode to Kirumi's face, Kirumi's eternal poker face still stands. She silently shuts the door and switches off the lights, allowing Celestia's mood to stabilize and Vampirish Vogue to get back to their discussion.

Celestia: (back to calm) Unfathomably deep, so to speak.

Mukuro: Celeste-san...

Celestia: The time has come for us to raise the stakes.

Rantaro: (intrigued) Hmm...whatever could you mean by that?

Celestia: (dramatically) The theme of our next song shall be...

Celestia: (turning to the audience) an uprising!

The Other Members: (confused) An uprising?

Celestia: An uprising is what us impoverished and overshadowed musicians shall strive for. To fight against the people who have dealt us a poor hand in life, and to be rewarded with the happiness and riches that we deserve.

Mukuro: Excellent objective, Celeste.

Shuichi: (confused) B-but how should we accomplish this "uprising"?

One could very easily tell that even Celestia herself has nary a clue on how to accomplish that, for one could see slight sweat on her face. At this point, her lies for once held consequences. And she surely isn't prepared for what will happen if her lies catch up to her! Think, Taeko! Thi-

Himiko: (sleepily raising her hand) Uh, wardrobe change...

Celestia: (with thinly-veiled desperation) Precisely, Ultimate Mage.

At this point, Celestia was willing to go along with anything to help bolster one of her few weak lies!

Celestia: A wardrobe change shall be the first step to our uprising.

Mukuro: Uprising. A true "uprising".

Rantaro: You didn't need to tell us twice.

Himiko: (with her hat flying) A maaagical wardrobe-

Once again, a dramatic monologue was interrupted by the door opening and the lights flickering back on. But as opposed to Vampirish Vogue meeting the olive eyes of Kirumi Tojo, they instead met two pairs of eyes. The piercing red eyes of Maki Harukawa and the tranquil half-lidded eyes of Chiaki Nanami. But before the two can meet the wrath of a stressed Celestia Ludenberg, Makoto Naegi runs up to the girls in a panic, pulls the two away and turns off the lights. But not before stuttering out an apology on their behalf. Celestia will let the members of BLUE SCREEN off the hook, and she wouldn't even knock them down too many ranks.

Himiko: (awkwardly continuing) A maaaaagical wardrobe change. For a maaaagical uprising!

Shuichi: (holding a sketchbook) Uh, I have some ideas for the w-wardrobe, but I don't think they're all that good.

The insecure, yet reliable costume designer, delicately set the sketchbook on the ground for the rest of the members to gaze upon. Shuichi pulls his cap over his eyes, clearly anticipating rejection. It appears to be a black and red cabaret dress that partially resembles a roulette wheel.

Shuichi: (nervously) I've p-partially based it off of the culprit's dress of a mystery novel that I've just finished just yesterday.

Rantaro: (amazed) Woah! That's awesome, Shuichi.

Mukuro: As to be expected of our reliable costume designer.

Celestia, brandishing an old-fashioned feather quill, added an elaborate tiara and elegant hair ringlets onto Shuichi's design.

Celestia: I feel as though an elaborate headdress and hairstyle would further accentuate my high-class upbringing and dangerousness.

Mukuro: A fashion choice that just screams "uprising"!

Shuichi: Y-Yeah!

Rantaro: How cool.

Himiko: And maaaagical!

For the third time in a row, a monologue was soon followed by the door opening and the lights flickering back on. But as opposed to eyes, Vampirish Vogue made direct eye contact with the two black eyeholes of Magical Girl Monomi herself!

Monomi: (fearing the wrath of the Ultimate Gambler) U-Uh, M-Magical Girl Monomi, OUT!

A toss of a smoke bomb, an adorable pose, and the sad man in a mascot suit is out! It wasn't until the little magician spoke up, that the tense and awkward silence was broken.  
Himiko: Uh, Shuichi. May I draw on your dress design?

Shuichi: U-Um, sure! Just don't mess it up too much!

Himiko: (taking the cap off her wand to reveal a marker) Nyeh....allow me to make the dress more magical!

Rantaro: (takes a pencil out of his pocket) Move over, let me spice things up.

Mukuro: (revealing a mechanical pencil) This should be a fine addition to the dress.

Shuichi: (nervously shoving his way through the crowd and adding more onto the dress) H-Hey! Now the dress is all unbalanced!

(2 Hours of Blood, Sweat, Tears and Tears Later....)

It's now time for the uprising of Vampirish Vogue. The audience stare and gape at the stage in anticipation for what the newly-hyped costumes for Vampirish Vogue would be like. They were expecting either something straight out of the Victorian era or something straight out of a horror RPG. What they were not expecting was Celestia with an elaborate crown, bedazzled hair and gloves, and most importantly, an elegant 22-foot tall black ballgown that has roulette wheel-esque platforms with the other members and their instruments on it and a pair of equally large and black angel wings. The mosh pit was overcome by a wave of confusion that couldn't even be broken by the harmonic vocals of Celestia Ludenberg.

Celestia: (feeling like a damn queen) Bonjour, my liege. Let the serenading begin.

(cue ending theme)


	4. "TIME FOR A MAKEOVER PERHAPS? THE ULTIMATE ROCKIN' STUDENT!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maki has her dangerous aura and edgy demeanor, Chiaki has her lax personality and adorable appearance, Mahiru has her assertive attitude and level head, and even Kazuichi has his wannabe cool guy antics. But what does Makoto have?

It was a tranquil day for the members of BLUE SCREEN. After they wrapped up their latest concert, they went to eat out at one of Makoto's favorite family restaurants. 

Mahiru: (relieved) Aw! What a great day!

Makoto: (scrolling through his phone) Oh! Comments about our concert are up!

Mahiru: Wha-?! Really?

Kazuichi: (excited) What'd they say?! Tell us! Tell us!

Needless to say, the other members are curious as to what their loyal fanbase has to say about them. Even the normally apathetic and private Maki couldn't hold back her curiosity regarding her reception. Their eyes are all turned to Makoto and his phone as he looks for comments about each member.

Makoto: Uhhh, let's see. "Mahiru-chan's drumming was really cool!"

In response to the flattering comment, Mahiru scratched the back of her head as a creeping blush illuminates the freckles on her cheeks.

Mahiru: (flattered) Aww, geez!

Makoto: (turning to face Kazuichi) "That bassist was so cool!"

Naturally, this comment got the normally-disrespected Kazuichi's self-esteem over the moon!

Kazuichi: (with a bright grin) Woo! Yeah!

Makoto: (turning to face Chiaki) "That guitar solo was electrifying!"

Chiaki just clapped her hands together with a pleasant grin on her face, upon picking up on the compliment.

Chiaki: (blissfully) Yay, me!

Makoto: (turning to face Maki) "Such intense vocals!" Great job, Maki-chan!

As opposed to the more happy reactions, Maki just turns away. Luckily, no one could catch the blush spreading across her cheeks and ears.

Maki: (turning away) Don't mention it.

Makoto: Nice! A total success!

Kazuichi: What'd they say about you, 'Koto?

Makoto: (scrolling through his phone) Hmm.....let's see.....

But much to Makoto's dismay, hardly anything was said about his contributions to the concert. As he scrolls further through the comments, his smile slowly and slowly fell, until it became a frown. That frown didn't go unnoticed by his bandmates. They neglected glaring at Kazuichi to try and pump up the hardworking Lucky Student.

Mahiru: (trying to cheer up Makoto) T-That just means that nothing was wrong!

Kazuichi: Y-Yeah! You didn't goof up!

Maki: You did a perfectly fine job.

Chiaki: Nice work, 'Koto...

Makoto: (shyly) Oh! You really think so? Thanks, guys!

Despite his external response to said praise, his internal response couldn't be any more different.

Makoto: (internally) I have to work harder!

Was this truly the consequence of being merely a Lucky Student surrounded by actual Ultimates?

(5 HOURS LATER)

It is now nighttime at the Naegi household, and Makoto is laying in his bed, mulling over his unpopularity with BLUE SCREEN's fanbase. 

Makoto: But how should I do it?

A familiar loud female voice broke Makoto out of his melancholy musing.

???: I'VE GOT IT!

That loud female voice also startled Makoto, causing him to tumble off his bed and get his body wedged between the bed and wall. Luckily, Makoto smiled upon seeing the source of this familiar voice.

Makoto: Oh! Uh....hi, Komaru!

Komaru: (shoving her phone in Makoto's face) Sup, 'Koto? I know how you can grab the hearts of all the fans!

On Komaru's phone, was a metal band just like BLUE SCREEN. The musicians all had elaborate studded costumes and equally elaborate black and white makeup to match. This gave Makoto an idea.

Makoto: (having an epiphany) Wait! That's it!

Makoto wanted to raise his hands and high-five Komaru in happiness, but due to his position, he can't. That was something that he just realized.

Makoto: (awkwardly) Uhhh, Komaru? A little help here?

(THE NEXT DAY)

We return to the daily life of BLUE SCREEN, and they are walking down the street off to the Live House "oCToGoN". But something, or rather someONE, is missing from BLUE SCREEN.

Kazuichi: (impatient) Man! What's up with 'Koto? It's not like him to skip practice!

Mahiru: (betrayed) He'd better have a good excuse for this!

Chiaki: He overslept. Er, I think...

Maki: I'm pretty sure that's exclusive to y-

Maki's sardonic remarks towards Chiaki's sleep schedule were stopped midway when she noticed a familiar boy with a familiar mop of spiky brown hair walking across the street.

Maki: Wait! Isn't that Makoto? 

The others crane their heads to face Makoto's direction as their eyes follow Makoto's route through town.

Kazuichi: (gasps) Woah! It is! What's 'Koto doin'?

(2 MINUTES LATER)

Maki: (popping out from her hiding place) Well, we followed him all the way.

Chiaki: Well, we are concerned about him. Right?

For some odd reason, BLUE SCREEN managed to follow Makoto to "CONTROVERSY", every citizen of Ultimate City's reliable resource for emo outfits. While they might understand someone like Maki picking up her wardrobe from there, why would Makoto, possibly tied with Chiaki in his innocence, want to shop here?

Kazuichi: (whispering) Shh! There he is!

Makoto exited the dressing room and posed in the mirror. His signature black jacket and green hoodie ensemble was swapped out for a black vest with Satanic imagery over a black and red striped sweater, with black fingerless gloves and torn jeans topping off the look. Let's just say that it didn't suit Makoto well, at all!

BLUE SCREEN: (appalled gasps)

The appalled metal band huddled together to discuss Makoto's new, if unwelcome, wardrobe change.

Chiaki: (shivering in fear) That looks terrible...

Maki: You'd be correct. This isn't the Makoto we know and love.

Mahiru: (pensive) Could it be that he is trying to change himself, like with Kazuichi?

Kazuichi: (offended) WHA-?! Hey! C'mon! My wardrobe change was awesome!

Kazuichi: (staring tearfully at Makoto) Makoto, my soul bro!

Eventually, BLUE SCREEN exits "CONTROVERSY" without alerting Makoto, leaving the Lucky Student to his own devices.

(2 HOURS LATER)

Back in the Live House, BLUE SCREEN, now in their performance outfits, anxiously waits for Makoto to return from his emo makeover.

Kazuichi: (growling anxiously) Grrrr, 'Koto's late again!

Mahiru: (scolding anxiously) Patience, Kaz. He'll be here.

The loud opening of the door after Mahiru's words could only mean one thing; Makoto is finally back. And somehow, he looks even worse! Not only did he keep the emo ensemble from "CONTROVERSY", but he also swept his bangs over one eye and added heavy black eyeliner to his eyes. His normally friendly smile and posture was replaced with an angry scowl and a slouched posture, reminiscent of his Gang Leader classmate.

Emo!Makoto: YEEAAAAH! C'MON, DUDES AND DUDETTES! LET'S ROCK!

BLUE SCREEN: (scared for their friend) 'K-'KOTO?!

(2 MORE HOURS LATER) 

After their latest concert, everyone but Emo!Makoto changed back to their casual clothes. The other members of BLUE SCREEN are awkwardly staring at Emo!Makoto as he slouches in his seat and puts his spiked boots up on the table. 

Kazuichi: (trying to strike conversation) Uh, 'Koto?

Emo!Makoto: (without even looking) Yeah?

Mahiru: Uh, we really rocked the house, didn't we?

Emo!Makoto: (without even looking) Yeah?

After spending a majority of her time with her head down, Maki finally reacted and slammed her hands down on the table, finally causing Makoto to turn his head towards Maki.

Emo!Makoto: Uh, yeah?

Maki just stood up from her seat and walked towards the exit, all without saying a word.

Emo!Makoto: Whaaaa?!

Maki: (with a heartless glare) This........isn't Makoto at all.

Maki then darts out of the exit and runs off to who-knows-where.

Emo!Makoto: (confused) Wh-What?!

Chiaki: Oh. There she goes again.

Mahiru: (slinging an arm around Emo!Makoto) Makoto, you need to change out of that wardrobe now. We do not need another Kazuichi.

Kazuichi: (offended) HEY!

(1 HOUR LATER)

Mirroring yesterday, Makoto lied down wistfully on his bed, regretting the sudden wardrobe change. 

Makoto: (sadly) Well, that was a bust. 

Komaru: I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA!

Also mirroring yesterday, Komaru's loud voice startled Makoto, causing him to tumble off his bed and get stuck.

Makoto: (popping his head out) Would it scare off my friends, like last time?

Komaru: (shoving her phone in Makoto's face) No, it won't!

As opposed to the elaborate makeup and grungy costumes of the metal band, the clean-cut suits and dresses of Manic Monarchy are subdued, yet noticeable enough to not fade into the background.

Makoto: (having ANOTHER epiphany) Wait! That's it!

And just like yesterday, Makoto's arms are stuck and he is just now realizing it.

Makoto: (awkwardly) Uh, Komaru. I could use some help, again.

(cue ending theme)


	5. "ULTRA-SPECIAL IDOL TESTING PROGRAM!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manic Monarchy shall show off their bodacious bods and compete in despairful and "muddy activities" in order to earn more PR time! Can they do it, or will they drown in the evil bog of despair?

???: (in a loud tenor) "ULTRA SPECIAL IDOL-TESTING PROGRAM"

As the bright and colorful logo rises back up, we focus our eyes on a large framed man with a suit, sunglasses and hair that sticks up in all directions. 

Hisashi: (in an energetic tone) What is goin' on, Ultimates? I am your host, Hisashi Odayaka! Today, this hot new idol group shall put their bodies on the line in order to promote themselves! Allow me to introduce the five-Ultimate idol group that just went platinum and beyond...MANIC MONARCHY!

Entering the stage in a single-file line is none other that Manic Monarchy, all clad in high-quality swimwear! Introducing herself first is the leader herself, wearing an adorable pink bikini and her long blue hair in a ponytail!

Sayaka: (doing her signature pose) Greetings, Sayakers! All that glitters truly is gold! I am the Ultimate Pop Sensation and Vocalist, Sayaka Maizono!

Next in line, clad in a half-black half-white bikini and her hair done in a side-plait...

Junko: (making a peace sign) On guitar, is the Ultimate Fashionista, Junko Enoshima! I'm already feeling a surge of hope coming from y'all! Thanksies for having us!

Right after, clad in black and gold swim trunks...

Byakuya: (crossing his arms) Hmph. Byakuya Togami. Ultimate Affluent Progeny and bassist. Just a warning, I could easily crush any of you plebeians.

Second to last, clad in a light blue and white one piece and swimming goggles...

Kiibo: (waving awkwardly) Greetings, everyone! My name is Kiibo Iidabashi, the Ultimate Robotics Engineer and Manic Monarchy's drummer.

And last, but most certainly not least, clad in a pink and black wetsuit...

Sonia: (gracefully curtsying) And I am the Ultimate Princess, Sonia Nevermind. Oh! And I play the keyboard for Manic Monarchy! I shall let the occult guide me to victory!

Hisashi: Now! Without further ado, let's start the games and see who wins that sweet, sweet PR time!

(One Commercial Break Later...)

Hisashi: (loudly) TEST 1! HOW MUCH DO MANIC MONARCHY KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER?! IN THIS GAME, WE SHALL FIGURE OUT HOW WELL YOU KNOW EACH OTHER! WHILE HANGING FROM A METAL BAR!

As Hisashi loudly explains the rules of the game, Manic Monarchy's faces fell as their gaze fell upon the metal bars, barring Junko and Sonia, whose eyes instead sparkled with amazement. And that gaze of horror from Byakuya, Kiibo and Sayaka prove to be correct, for they were struggling to stay on the bars. Junko was posing like a pole dancer, while Sonia just hangs from the pole with her signature tranquil smile. Byakuya is struggling on the pole, but he is trying his best to not show his discomfort for he is determined to beat those plebeians at all costs. Meanwhile. Kiibo and Sayaka are struggling the most with keeping themselves up, as they both are shaking like leaves, while sweat dots their faces.

Hisashi: QUESTION 1: WHAT IS SAYAKA MAIZONO'S CATCHPHRASE?!

Sayaka: (happily) Oh, that's easy! 

Sayaka: (letting go off the pole to do her pose) "All that glitters truly is gold!"

As you can probably guess, Sayaka made a poor decision and winded up falling from grace. And into the mud below!

Kiibo: (scared) SAYAKA-SAN!

Hisashi: THAT IS CORRECT! BUUUUUT...WHAT WAS HER CATCHPHRASE DURING HER TIME WITH HER PAST BAND?!

At this point, Kiibo couldn't hold on to the pole for much longer. And soon, they met the same fate as their blue-haired leader! Kiibo's elimination proves to be stressful for Sonia and Byakuya. Junko meanwhile is shivering from the despair that her bandmates are emitting right now. 

Sonia: (breaking her calm facade) K-Kiibo-san!

Sonia: (thinking, while trying to stay calm) Sayaka-san has always been prepared for even the most perilous of situations. What a superatural trait.

Sonia: (out loud) Truly a mark of the occult!

Byakuya: (exasperated) Nevermind-san. Is this really the best time to bring your unhealthy obsession into this competition?

Junko: Yeah! Are you insane? It was clearly-

Junko: (striking her pose) "Despairingly Amazing!"

Byakuya: (facepalming) You all are better off in an asylum.

Sonia: (giggling)

Following Sayaka and Kiibo's example, Byakuya, Sonia, and Junko all fell into the mud. Everyone, barring Junko, ended up covered in mud and humiliated. Junko, on the other hand, wound up covered in mud and filled with sweet, sweet despair!

Hisashi: Well, whaddaya know?! They're AAAAALLLLL OUT!

(One Commercial Break Later...)

Hisashi: TEST NO. 2! A TEST OF TRUST! ONE PERSON HAS TO TRUST THE OTHER PERSON TO PUSH THEM ON THE SURFBOARD TO THE EDGE, IN ORDER TO GAIN PR TIME! BUT PUSH TOO HARD, AND THEY WILL BE MET WITH MUD AND NO PR TIME!

Needless to say, a certain fashion icon would never hesitate to do something so chaotic and potentially deadly!

Junko: (happily raising her hand) I WANNA RIDE! I WANNA RIDE!

Kiibo: (awkwardly) Okay, then! I shall push you!

We now jumpcut to Junko lying down on the surfboard, while a blushing Kiibo gets an eyeful of her rear end! 

Junko: Okay then, Keeboo! Stop staring and push me as hard as you can!

Kiibo: (snapping out of it) O-O-OH! R-R-R-RIGHT! 3! 2! 1!

Kiibo tried their hardest to push Junko, but it seems that the stellar bod of Junko distracted them. For they barely managed to get Junko even a couple of inches closer to the edge!

Hisashi: OKAY THEN! THAT'S 3 SECONDS OF PR TIME!

Needless to say, the attention-seeking Junko was disappointed, to say the least.

Junko: (offended) WHAAAAAA?!

Next up to bat comes Byakuya and Sayaka! Byakuya's lying down on the surfboard with a determined look on his face, while Sayaka is right behind him, ready to push him.

Byakuya: (determined to win) Do not fail me now, Maizono-san.

Sayaka: (with a smile) Trust me, Togami! 3! 2! 1!

But as opposed to Kiibo's weak push, Sayaka's push managed to send a screaming Byakuya speeding off the ledge and into the muddy bog below. It seems that the workouts from Sayaka's idol training paid off too well.

Byakuya: (muffled angry noises)

Sayaka: (bowing) I'm sorry, Togami. Let's do it from the top.

Sonia/Junko/Kiibo: GO, SAYAKA!

But every attempt by Sayaka to gain PR winded up in Byakuya getting covered in mud and gradually increasing rage. At this point, Sayaka suggested that she and Byakuya should switch. And never before has Byakuya agreed with a plebeian as quick as he did.

Sayaka/Byakuya: (covered in mud) Okay! One more try! 3! 2! 1!

Luckily for them, Byakuya managed to push just hard enough to send Sayaka to the edge without the idol falling off, much to the joy of Manic Monarchy!

Sayaka: (signing in relief) Phew! We did it!

But as if Atua themselves really has it out for Manic Monarchy, Sayaka and the surfboard managed to fall off the ledge and into the mud, for the umpteenth time in a row!

We then suddenly cut to a commercial break of a mucked-up Manic Monarchy, as the sound of a timer plays in the background.

Sayaka: (speaking quickly) W-We are the idol band, Manic Mo-

The video then cuts to black, before Sayaka even finishes her short sentence.

(cue ending theme)


	6. "THE HAPPIEST ISLAND ON EARTH! (UNLESS YOU'RE HAJIME)"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watch Hajime's little white lie get spun into an entire island resort full of Magical Bunnies!

After the massive white jet landed, the oddball quintet known as AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!! marvel at the equally massive and white hotel building at the center of the artificial island, as each member stepped off the stairs of the jumbo jet. You may be asking what artificial island they have landed on? Well, the answer can be found in big golden letters on the front: "MONOMI ISLAND"

Ibuki: (probably close to exploding with excitement) OMIGODTHISISLANDISONLYTHEMOSTAMAZINGESTIBUKISEVERSEENINHERLIFE!

Ibuki: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S.......MONOMI ISLAND!

AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!!'s own Monomi was just flabbergasted at the lengths Ibuki's former band would go to to insure Ibuki's happiness. They'd even steal from the Togami's bank account, which admittedly required quite the cojones. 

Hajime: (wearing the Monomi suit, internally) They....actually built it! I can't believe this all happened all because...

(8 HOURS AGO)

The members of AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!! were walking down the street, as they each had a donut in hand. Or in Hina's case, one donut in each hand and one stuffed in her mouth. 

Mikan: (eating a donut) Mmmmm...this d-donut is so t-t-tasty!

Ibuki: (on a bit of a sugar high) IT'SJUSTSOGOOD! IJUSTDONUTBELIEVEIT! HEHEHEHEIMADEAPUN!

Korekiyo: Now, now. Settle down, Ibuki.

Ibuki: (shaking her head as her sugar high subsides) HOLD IT! Why isn't Monomi here?

This little question just so happened to kickstart a series of events that lead to Ibuki's former band making an Usami-themed island, complete with a resort, in under 8 hours.

Mikan: (timidly) U-Um, Ibuki...Ha-Hajime-kun and Monomi-ch-chan are...

Aoi: (swallowing the donut in her mouth) It would be nice if Monomi could join us for donuts! I'm sure she'd like them!

Mikan: (timidly) Errr, Hina-chan...

Korekiyo: (pensively) Hmmm...perhaps our beloved Monomi is more on the timid side. 

Mikan: (timidly) K-Kiyo-kun.....

Hajime: (firmly) Mikan, don't bother. I've given up on trying to convince them.

Korekiyo: (pensive) Hmm...perhaps Monomi comes from a distant locale.

Aoi: Ah! Kiyo is right! Hajime, does Monomi live far away?

Stopping Hajime in his tracks in a suspicious Ibuki glaring at him and the other members.

Ibuki: (glaring intensely) YEAH! Where does Monomi live? Does anyone know?

Korekiyo: (brightening up) Monomi's origin sounds like such an interesting case study! Those mysterious aspects of her only serve towards making Usami more charming.

Ibuki: (leaning close to Hajime) GOT IT! HAJIME would know AAALLLL about Monomi! So, Hajime! Where does Usami live?

Copying Ibuki's posture, the anthropologist and swimmer lean in closer to Hajime, very clearly expecting a straight answer. The Reserve Course Student was close to choking on his donut, but he managed to struggle out an answer.

Hajime: (swallowing his donut) Mmmmerrrr, I guess, "Monomi Island" or something?

Ibuki/Korekiyo/Aoi: (amazed) MONOMI ISLAND?!

Needless to say, the three instantly bought into it wholeheartedly! 

Ibuki: (excited) Maybe the people there LOOOOOOOOOOVE AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!! Wait! Maybe the island doesn't have people, and is chock-full of Monomi clones!

Aoi: (squeeing) Oh, boy! Monomi Island sounds soooo adorable!

Korekiyo: (hugging himself) Oh! Such a unique civilization! Comprised of just one species without a predator in sight! Who knows what sort of society would bloom from a population like that?

Ibuki: Ibuki would love, love, LOVE to go there!

Mikan: (attempting to stammer out that Monomi Island isn't real to the SanBaka)

But AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!! wasn't alone on their Saturday walk, for a punk girl was leering at them from an alley while they went on their merry way. 

Punk Girl: (whispering into her phone)

(BACK TO THE PRESENT)

Hajime: (still in the Monomi costume, still flabbergasted) Ibuki's former bandmates managed to turn my half-a**ed white lie into a fricking RESORT!

And just like that, Ibuki, Hina and Korekiyo broke into a sprint towards the expensive resort! Or at least, Ibuki and Hina broke into a sprint, and Korekiyo is busting his hump trying to run after them. 

Ibuki: (running super fast, singsong) LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

Aoi: (running after Ibuki) I can't wait to go swimming in the pool!

Korekiyo: (trying his best to run after them) I could (PANT!) go for a (PANT!) shiatsu massage!

Left in the dust is Mikan and Hajime.

Mikan: (already scared) U-Uhm, Ha-Hajime-san...

Hajime: I know, Mikan. I'm scared too.

As it turns out, as the name implies, Monomi Island is filled to the brim of copies of the same half-pink, half-white bunny, right down to wearing the same bow and diaper. 

Mikan: (frightened by the crowd) Wawawawawa! Phew! G-Good thing I didn't lose track of you! 

Mikan: (turning to the Monomi right next to her) I-Isn't that right, Ha-Hajime-chan?

Hajime: (from a distance) Mikan-san! That's not me!

That single sentence from Hajime was enough to send Mikan into an inconsolable panic for the rest of AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!!'s stay.

Mikan: (panicking hard) W-W-WHAT?! WH-WH-WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUU?! HAJIMEEEEEE! MONOMIIII!

Ibuki: (trying to reassure Mikan) Hakuna Matata, Mikan-a! Monomi is just Monomi!

Mikan: (close to tears) WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!

(4 HOURS OF RESORT ACTIVITIES LATER...)

AWESOMENESS ISLAND!!!!!'s stay at Monomi Island was coming to a close. As a final farewell, all the Monomis waved goodbye in unison to the oddball band. 

Ibuki: G'bye, Monomis! AW! Partin' is such sweet sorrow! We'll come back before ya know it!

Mikan: (turning to their Monomi) Wew! T-That w-w-was so scary! But I'm happy we reunited, Hajime!

But as opposed to the cheerful hamminess of Monomi, THIS Monomi just silently turned away and boarded the plane.

Ibuki: (waving goodbye) BYE-BYE! BYE-BYE!

Aoi: (waving goodbye) See you cuties later!

Korekiyo: (waving goodbye) Farewell, Monomis.

Mikan: (to "Monomi") Uh, y-y-you ARE Hajime. Right?

The Monomi's lack of a verbal answer is enough to perplex even the reader of this fic. Was that Hajime? Who knows?

(cue ending theme)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of this chapter!


	7. "ONE CHAOTIC CONCERT MEETING! (WHEN 24 HEADS COLLIDE!)!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why a meeting between 25 Ultimates wouldn't accomplish anything!

In the bowels of the live house "oCToGoN", lies a dusty and normally unoccupied conference room. And in that dusty and normally unoccupied conference room, lies the convergence of the five Ultimate bands! Or more accurately, the four and four-fifths of the Ultimate bands. As hard as Mikan tried, she still wasn't able to find the real Monomi. As the 24 Ultimates mingled amongst each other, the resident space geek called to everyone's attention with a dramatic table slam.

Kaito: ALRIGHT! I'm glad that you all made it! 

After an awkward side glance, Kaito leaned down to the diminutive boy next to him.

Kaito: (whispering) That's your cue, Lil' Chi.

Chihiro: (snapping out of his trance) O-OH, r-right! W-We were planning on having an oCToGoN joint concert with all of you! And now that everyone is here, we'd like to start the first meeting!

The Ultimates all clapped and cheered for the pint-sized programmer, recognizing his improving confidence. Chihiro blushed in glee, as he seated himself back down.

Fuyuhiko: (whispering to Kaito) Oi, Spacecase! Give them the explanation!

Kaito: Got it! We shall join forces to create a galaxy-wide concert that will smash through the astroids of despair and reach the stars of hope! Just like the awesome sky sound I heard as a little tyke!

But much to Kaito's dismay, his boastful idea was met with nothing but confused and unimpressed glances towards him.

Mukuro: Care to give us specifics, Momota?

For perhaps the first time in his life, the Luminary of the Stars was speechless and trying his best to string together a concrete concept.

Kaito: Eerrrr, I'm not sure! But I, the Luminary of the Stars, along with all of my sidekicks, will make it happen! 

Understandably, Kaito's dramatic monologue did nothing to dissipate the disappointment felt by the other bands.

Mukuro: (death glare) So you didn't come up with anything.

In an attempt to pacify the soldier, Kaede stood up and pushed Kaito back into his seat with an awkward giggle.

Kaede: Uhhh, give Kaito some time! He'll come up with it soon! Right, Kaito?

Suddenly, an idea struck her musically-oriented brain!

Kaede: F-For now, let's decide on the concert order!

Maki: (pensive) I personally couldn't care less about the band order. It's the performance that matters.

Sayaka: (raising her hand) Some of us have work today, so I think we should go last.

Celestia: (with a grin on her face) They say "save the best for last", non?

Ibuki: (happily) WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD END THE CONCERT WITH A BIIIIIIIG FIREWORKS SHOW!

Looks like Kaede's idea just resulted in all of the bands at each others throats once again!

Chihiro: (nervously whispering) W-What should we do, K-Kaede-chan?

Kaede: Uhhh, ummm! The title! Let's focus on the title for now!

Kaito: (raising his hand) CAPTAIN KAITO AND HIS SIDEKICKS!

Celestia: Hmmm, how egotistical, non? How about something more majestic and royal?

Himiko: (slowly losing energy with each word) The Deadly Magical Duel of the Dark....

Shuichi: (whispering to Himiko) How about Bards?

Himiko: BARDS!

Aoi: (raising her hand) Sailor Senshi Monomi!

Ibuki: (looking expectantly at Byakuya)

Byakuya: (crossing his arms and looking away) I am not putting the Togami Conglomerate's hard-earned money into naming this foolish jester dance.

Maki: I personally couldn't care less about the name. It's the performance that matters.

Chiaki: Ohh. You said it again...

Rantaro: (trying to maintain peace) Perhaps we should just say our favorite phrases and build from there.

Kazuichi: (thinking hard) Let's see! Favorite phrase! Gotta be something cool!

Mahiru: (staring at her camera) Hmm, a cool phrase?

From that point on word, any meaningful discussion is lost to a tidal wave of random phrases. If you could focus your ears, you might be able to make out words like "Donuts", "Maaagic", "Stars", "Occult" and "Piano". No points for guessing who's spouting those phrases.

The chatter was broken by the rumbling tummy of one Ultimate Clairvoyant. All of the Ultimates crane their heads towards said Ultimate Clairvoyant, who is clutching his stomach in hunger.

Yasuhiro: (whining) MAN! I'm hungry!

Aoi: ...Family restaurant? 

Kazuichi: Count me in!

And just like that, the 24 Ultimates exited the discussion room to go the biggest family restaurant they could find, leaving one Ultimate Maid by her lonesome.

Kirumi: (internally) So, was there a point to all of that?

(cue ending theme)


	8. "DRUM & DRUMMER! THE PERCUSSIONIST'S MEETING!"

The day starts off quite like any other day, with the Ultimates meeting in their local family restaurant. But as opposed to there being a single band or all the bands, there is one member from each band, or more specifically, the drummers!

Mahiru: The concert is going to allow us to bring our snares and pedals. Can you all manage that?

The four other drummers all chime in with words of affirmation.

Mahiru: Well, we've figured out that part easily.

Kiibo: (confused) But why are we meeting in the family restaurant again? It just about our drums. Not that I'm complaining.

Kaede: (shaking her finger) Oh, no! To the contrary! This restaurant is the perfect place to talk about music! There is more to a band then just the guitarists, you know. I regularly come her to discuss the piano before joining STARSHIP★SLAYERZ.

Himiko: Oh! It's just magical how guitarists can copy a whole song by ear!

Himiko: (slumping down sadly) You can't tell a song just by listening to the drums...

Himiko then proceeds to mime out playing the drums and making drum noises with her mouth.

Mikan: (slumps down sadly, tears in her eyes) Y-Yeah! T-There is no m-melody for drums... 

Luckily, before Mikan's dam was about to burst at the prospect of not contributing anything meaningful, Kaede put a comforting hand on the nurse's shoulder.

Kaede: No, no, no! Wait, Mikan! Drums are like the backbone of the band! They're important!

Himiko: It's such a pain to carry our heavy drum sets around....

Kaede: Wait! There are special backpacks we can use to carry our snares! In fact, I've found a really cute one online!

Pulling up her sheet-music-patterned phone, Kaede went to an online shop and showed her friends an adorable orange snare case. Needless to say, the other drummers were impressed.

Himiko: (scrolling through her Ravenclaw-colored phone) Hey, 'Hiru....I found one that's perfect for you.

After imitating a drum roll, the miniature mage pulled up a photo of a snare case that resembles a digital camera.

Mahiru: Woah! Nice one, Himi! 

Mahiru: (scrolling through her camo-colored phone) What do you think of this one?

Making a couple of drum riff noises herself, Mahiru showed the others a picture of a black and red snare case with bat wings on the side, matching the aesthetic of Vampirish Vogue perfectly. 

Mikan: (scrolling through her busted-up phone) U-Um, I have one! B-But you probably wouldn't like it!

Following Mahiru's lead with a timid drum roll, Mikan shows the others a drum case that resembles a certain Ultimate Magical Girl.

Kiibo: (amazed) Woah! Monomi has merchandise already?! Now it's my turn to show you an awesome snare kit!

Brandishing their light-blue phone with a dark green circuit board pattern, Kiibo shows the other Ultimates a snare case that is the exact same pattern as their phone. In a surprising show of vocal synchronization, all of the drummers performed a drum roll in unison, and cheered themselves for their amazing synchronization. The loud cheers attracted the attention of the well-groomed waiter.

Waiter: Pardon me. May I take your orders?

In all the excitement, the drummers seem to have forgotten about lunch, as they scrambled to get their menus, while muttering apologies to the waiter.

Mahiru: (awkwardly) So, uh, what should we all get? Let's start out with soft drinks first, shall we?

Kaede/Kiibo/Himiko/Mikan: Okay!

Mikan: I-I'll have the macaroni and cheese!

(BEEP!)

Kaede: (raising her hand) I'll take a strawberry parfait!

(BEEP!)

Kiibo: (searching the menu) I'll have the margarita pizza!

(BEEP!)

Himiko: (dramatically) Amorphous slime creatures trapped in a crumbly and dry prison!

Mahiru: (translating for her cousin) She'll have mozzarella sticks. And I'll have the....spaghetti bolognese.

(BEEP!)

Himiko: (confused) Wait....you're not getting okonomiyaki?

(BEEP!)

Mahiru: I'm planning on going to that new hibachi restaurant with Chiaki next Tuesday.

Kaede: No worries, Mahiru! You could get some okonomiyaki right now! 

(BEEP!)

Mikan: S-So you like okomiyaki, Mahiru?

(BEEP!)

Kiibo: Okonomiyaki is quite the versatile dish, so I can understand why Mahiru would like it!

(BEEP!)

After a moment of mulling her decisions, Mahiru finally turns to the oddly-robotic waiter to place her order.

Mahiru: Then I'll have the okomiyaki.

(BEEP!)

Waiter: I'll be right back with your orders.

Kiibo: Man! I sure am excited for next week's concert! 

Kiibo: (drumming on the table while making drum noises)

Himiko: Our performance shall wow the entire audience!

Himiko: (following Kiibo's lead and making drum noises)

Mahiru: (proud of her little cousin) That's the spirit, Himi!

Mahiru: (following Himiko's lead and making drum noises)

Needless to say, Kaede and Mikan are both confused but they are eventually swept up into the chorus of drum noises.

Mikan: (confused) Uh, w-why do we keep doing this?

Mikan: (drumming on the table and making drum noises)

Kaede: (equally as confused) Y-Yeah! But it sure is fun!

Kaede: (also drumming on the table and making drum noises)

By the time Kaede wrapped the drummer's little drumless improve session, the waiter came back with the group's order.

Waiter: Thank you for waiting.

But as opposed to the original orders that the drummers made, the waiter handed out five large slabs of okonomiyaki, much to the confusion of the drummers. The probably-malfunctioning waiter quickly exhaunted from the scene, leaving five confused percussionists.

(cue ending theme)


	9. "FOR THE LOVE OF STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE! PACKING AWAY THE PASTRIES!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Chihiro's obsession with strawberry shortcake goes too far...

It is now lunchtime at Hope's Peak Academy, and STARSHIP★SLAYERZ are sitting outside with their lunches. In Chihiro's case, he packed a little something extra into his lunch: one of the Akamatsu bakery's famous strawberry shortcakes! 

Kaito: Woah, little dude! You really love strawberry shortcakes, don't ya?!

As the pint-sized programmer finishes off his slice of cake, he reached into his bag and somehow pulled out yet another slice. This didn't go unnoticed by Fuyuhiko.

Fuyuhiko: How the f**k do you just keep eating that s***? And where the f**k are you even getting them?!

Chihiro: (with his mouth full) Kaede-san's cakes are just so darn good!

Kaede: (flattered, yet simultaneously concerned) I appreciate the compliments, but please don't eat too much. You're going to get sick!

Chihiro: (still eating his cake) I'll be fine! My dad told me that I have a very high metabolism, so I won't get fat!

(4 HOURS LATER)

It was now the end of school, and the five members of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ all part ways to go back home. 

Kaito: (waving goodbye to Chihiro) See ya tomorrow, little dude! 

Chihiro: (waving back) Good bye, Kaito!

Yasuhiro: (looking at his ball) Hmmm, my ball is telling me to go easy on the strawberry shortcake! So steer clear of them!

Fuyuhiko: (to Chihiro) Yeah, you little s***! Stop eating so much! 

Fuyuhiko was suddenly filled with dread upon realizing that he was agreeing with the idiotic clairvoyant for once!

Chihiro: Now, now, Fuyu! I'll be just fine!

But throughout his nightly domestic routine, Chihiro just keeps pulling out and eating plate after plate of strawberry shortcake, even in the bathtub and in bed!

(THE NEXT DAY)

It was now Hope's Peak Academy's lunch break, and just like yesterday, Chihiro continues to munch on the vanilla and strawberry sponge cake, much to the concern of his friends

Fuyuhiko: (disgusted) Oh, f**k! Just looking at him eating this s*** is gonna make me barf!

Kaede: (slightly confused) You are still eating them, I see?

Chihiro: (awkwardly) U-Uh, y-yeah! I-I've been c-craving them even more lately!

Yasuhiro: (looking in dread at his ball) Oh, no! It's just as I thought! If you keep eating that accursed cake...

Yasuhiro: (dramatically pointing at Chihiro) ...you're gonna turn into one!

Yasuhiro's dramatic exclamation only gave way to an awkward silence, before the other Ultimates, minus Yasuhiro and Fuyuhiko, started giggling!

Fuyuhiko: (smacking Yasuhiro on the head) Hagakure, you dumb***! Don't fill Fujisaki's head with bulls***!

Kaede: Yeah, Hiro! That's just an old wive's tale!

Kaito: Even if that happens, my little buddy can handle anything! Not even a new form can stop him from achieving his dreams!

(THE NEXT DAY)

As this day's lunch break commenced, the other members of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ noticed that something was off about Chihiro. Chihiro's once innocent gaze was glazed over, as if he was in a zombie-like trance, and he kept chanting the word "shortcake" over and over again in a dull and monotone voice. Despite his trance, Chihiro is still munching on the shortcake as if everything is just fine.

Kaede: (heavily concerned) Uh, Chihiro! Are you doing okay?!

Yasuhiro: (scared) Yeah, Lil' Chi! You're scarin' me!

Ignoring his bandmate's concerns, the zombie-like Chihiro noticed something upon the horizon as dived towards it with a cry of "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!"

Fuyuhiko: Chihiro?! CHIHIRO! You're eating a rock!

Oblivious to Fuyuhiko's cries, Chihiro keeps munching on the strawberry shortcake-colored rock, while droning on the same two words: "Strawberry...shortcake..." Unfortunately for Chihiro, his zombie-like trance was only the beginning! It was about to get so much worse than that! Looking down, Kaito noticed something wrong with Chihiro's form.

Kaito: (scared) AAH! Chihiro! Your legs!

Snapping out of his strawberry shortcake-induced trance, Chihiro noticed, much to his horror, that the lower half of his body has melted and more closely resembles sponge cake than skin in texture. Chihiro screamed loudly upon seeing his straight-out-of-a-horror-movie transformation!

(2 HOURS LATER)

Now at the hospital, the other members of STARSHIP★SLAYERZ somberly surround the hospital bed occupied by Chihiro, who at this point, was merely a head on top of a giant slice of strawberry shortcake.

Chihiro: (sadly looking down) I'm s-so sorry, guys. I-I-It's all because of m-me and my s-s-stupid cr-cravings...

Kaede: (holding back tears) N-No, Chihiro! It's all my bakery's fault!

Yasuhiro: (sobbing) CHIHIROOOO! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF MY PREDICTIONS TO BE RIGHT, BUT NOT ONE WHERE YOU TURN INTO A STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE! I'M SORRYYYY!

Chihiro: N-No, Hiro! It's fine! You were just worried about me! And Kaede, your cake was really delicious!

Chihiro wistfully gazed out of the window, as he watched the last browning leaf on the tree fall.

Chihiro: You guys...If I become a full strawberry shortcake...will you kindly eat m....

Any other words that Chihiro was about to say was muffled, as his head sunk into the spongy quicksand of his new cake body, silencing Chihiro forever. 

Kaito/Yasuhiro/Kaede/Fuyuhiko: (tearfully) CHIHIRO!

Chihiro: GAH!

Chihiro catapulted his upper body upwards from the softness of his pillows, and took the time to catch his breath and reassure himself that it was just a nightmare. A weird and surreal one, but just a harmless nightmare. 

Chihiro: (panting) Whew....it was just a dream...a really, really bad dream....M-Maybe I should lay off the strawberry shortcake for once....Maybe I should drink something.....That'll help me....

Reaching under his pillow, Chihiro pulled out what appears to be a plastic strawberry shortcake. Unscrewing the top of the strawberry shortcake, Chihiro took a long sip from the oddly shaped canteen. When finished with his long sip, Chihiro lets out a sigh of relief, as his fear dissipates. No way could he actually turn into a strawberry shortcake from eating the amount of strawberry shortcake that he can eat. Right?

(cue ending theme)


End file.
